This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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