Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
