whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
