If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
