Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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