i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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