So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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