i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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