the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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