i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
