So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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