there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
