I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
