Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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