Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
