I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
