Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
