I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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