I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
