You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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