Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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