I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize