i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
