So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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