You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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