Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
