remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
