tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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