You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
