I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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