It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
