You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
