Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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