Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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