just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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