You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize