I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
