Come see our sink grown plant.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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