Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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