i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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