Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
