Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
