Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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