It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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