Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't notice because vodka
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
