but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
