btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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