Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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