why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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