I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
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I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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