dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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