his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize