i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
