Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
