I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
