That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
