I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
