Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
