Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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