you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
