i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
