Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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