I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
