Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
