this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
