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: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Randomize
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