He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.