I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
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Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.