listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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