I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
