Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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