I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
