I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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