also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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